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idea of getting into a relationship, just to "be in one". Our generation today have forgotten what the true meaning of a relationship really is; Love. I believe that this is due to the fact that we do not not know what love really is, because we haven't experienced real love. I was in a committed relationship about 3 years ago, but something didn't quite feel right about it. Overtime, temptation REALLY began growing to the point where I found myself trying to justify why potentially allowing certain things to happen was ok. I made the vow to God and to myself, that I wanted to save myself for marriage. Keeping my virginity is a very important and personal decision, that of which, I have worked hard at disciplining myself to be ok with saying NO. Although I decided to Wait until marriage, that did not stop temptation from creeping in, the enemy works in the areas you are most weak. At the time, I wasn't actively praying against temptation, therefore, I found myself in situations where I had a hard time being able to say no and running away from any sinful act. If we're not having sex, then are we really sinning? The answer is YES! If we are allowing our flesh to be in control-in addition to Lust, we are indeed, operating in a sexual spirit that is not of God. "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the gentiles-which know not God". (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). It is imperative to keep in mind, that adultery begins in the heart, before it becomes physical. I challenge you to answer these questions: What are the motives of your heart & What does it look like?
Everyday I would find myself having this never ending cycle of hesitation, regarding wether or not my ex and I, were meant to be together. I battled with the thoughts of, "Did I get into a relationship just because I missed being in one? Is this only because of a physical attraction or is it spiritual?" Many of these thoughts overwhelmed me to the point where I realized that I had to pray and ask God to end it, if it was not his will. If we're being honest here, I really cared for her and I knew that I sort of loved her in a way, however, after going to God, I started to see that I myself, didn't even know what real love was. How could I love someone, when I didn't even fully love myself? How could I be in love with a woman but not fully love Jesus first? See, at this point, I hadn't allowed myself to completely surrender my life to Christ, therefore, I did not experience God's total love- which resulted in me lacking the knowledge, of what love really is. If God wasn't at the center of my life then, how would he be when I was in a relationship? If I didn't put the things of God on top priority, how would I put a relationship on that same list, after my relationship with Christ? The bible says, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30) If you think that right now in you're life, you are not prioritizing your relationship with God, then I highly encourage you to consider the following steps-those of which, I have taken during my experience, in order to allow God to correct those things in me.
1. IDENTIFY & EVALUATE where your relationship with God stands, in this moment in time. My mother always told me that if I can't show respect or love to her, I will not be able to show that to my future wife either. Same thing applies to our christian walk, if you do not love God first and most, you will not truly love anyone else. Do you love God, but deny him by your actions? Are you aware that you may be struggling with temptations of lust, addictions, or seeking marriage for a selfish reason to have sex?
2. FAITH is the step we take toward the Lord without worry. No matter what it looks like, we trust him with our heart and life. If our heart and soul are not already aligned to the word of God, nor committed to his will, how will that enable us to have a heart for commitment with our future spouse? Faith is a necessary factor in the importance of knowing that finding our future spouse is all in God’s perfect timing and not our own.
3. COMMITTED FOCUS for the things of God. If our energy and time are spent by being distracted by the things of this world, we most certainly will not do well with dating. Focus on being committed to God's word and whenever temptation or impatience arises, go before the Lord in prayer to find strength in him and his word as well.
4. ACCOUNTABILITY: Whether you are a man or woman reading this, ensure that you surround yourself with like-minded believers-who will hold you accountable! I've found that by having other like-minded men surrounding me, I am held accountable for my actions. Finding comfort in knowing that I have brothers in Christ who will help pick me up when I fall, makes me stronger. It doesn't stop there, it creates a learning environment for myself to be their brother, who will hold them accountable and pick them up when they fall as well.
5. SUBMIT your heart to God! Alright now this last one included is from the AMAZING book I recently picked up called, 31 Prayers for My Future Wife: Preparing My Heart. "Growing close to God, trusting him with your heart, knowing him, and being known by Him is true intimacy and the very thing that will satisfy you! As you submit you heart to God in prayer, you will see Him move!"
Applying these steps has led me to stand in expectancy, knowing that God will provide the most amazing wife that he created just for me. I don't know about you, but I want to be committed in prayer for my future wife, so that God can protect and prepare my heart for marriage. So God, I pray right now, that instead of jumping into a "just cause", relationship, we ask that you speak to us when the time has come for you to reveal to us, who our future spouse is. We pray that our prayers for marriage will not only prepare us, but protect our hearts, in your name we pray, amen.
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