Temporary Seasons:

First day of Fall. I've dreaded this day all Summer- mostly because Summer time is my absolute favorite season of the year, however, I'm conflicted though, because I also love everything about fall. Today, I sit at a nice-local urban coffee shop in Chicago, with my charcoal coffee that was made just right and my bagel that is as dry as this tinder date across from me. As I am reflecting at the moment, I have to recognize what I'm feeling.

I feel happy, at peace, excited about what's to come, grateful, but I also recognize that I no longer carry the burden of stress, confusion, doubt, or frustration. There's a calmness about today that makes me have this butterfly-like feeling in my stomach. I know I have ways to go, but I am immensely proud that I am learning to vocalize/write what I'm feeling and give myself the opportunity to be vulnerable about that. Something about that brings me a tremendous amount of peace and joy. I am constantly taken back, every time I realize how much things can change, with time. Happy. I wasn't always, actually, I took it for granted more times than I can count. In some cases, I didn't even realize it. Hiding behind a happiness that was not only unknown to me, but it became a front-a borrowed facade. Genuine and honest happiness is what I craved, how come that was so hard to find? Is it because we make it hard for ourselves to experience it? Maybe we haven't found happiness in where we currently are. Everything I experienced or did only manifested a short-term happiness that was like my coffee. I enjoyed it for a moment, but then it was gone as quick as it was made; Almost like cables for a car battery, needing to be jumped by something or someone so that it can be re-charged just enough, to keep going again.

Deep, huh? Keep reading. In a prior season I once resented, but now cherish, felt like I was getting pushed off of a cliff into the roaring waves-being yanked every direction with zero clarity. Clueless about life, purpose, decisions, just trying to survive, though drowning became apart of life. Joy. Sometimes we seek things for areas of our life that only seem to satisfy, but do not fulfill. Love. Something we allow without truly knowing and accepting His love first. Peace. Caught in the waves of depression, fear, doubt and anxiety, failing to turn to the one who can truly set me free. This season was one in which was led by lack of faith. My relationship with God was not stable, though I fooled myself into thinking otherwise. One thing that was revealed to me through prayer was, Seasons are only temporary. They change and so do we. That's just how good God is. Even though we go through battles, where we encounter a variety of mountains that reside in our way, He still brings us out of the pit with mercy and grace that is never ending. This new season I have made it to has already become the best one yet. This morning I had an audition for an NBC TV show, I got cast in a Christian TV series I cannot wait to announce soon, tomorrow I have another audition for a film and this week I have a self-tape audition for another. I also found myself turning down a role in another film last week, due to my cup overflowing. This year I got signed with a Christian Talent Agent; waited 11 years for this moment. For the first time ever, I've arrived at a place where I feel I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I also feel like I found myself as an artist in my own pocket and have grown to be confident in myself, my talent and the work that I do, while being comfortable in my own skin for a change! Thank you 8 weeks of self care, new and healthier routines, and a gym membership. Anyone who knows me understands that I chase after my dreams in a relentless pursuit. However, God does not care about your way, He cares about His way. We cannot do this thing on our own. Sometimes we have to go around the block a few times so we can head the lesson He is trying to teach us. Then we get to that, "Ohhh, I should've listened the first time," moment.
Zachariah 4:6- "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."

See when you stop obsessing over things and give it to God, you'll not only have peace, but you'll let him do what He said he would do. Hold onto the promises of God! I petition things to Him and I trust that He knows the desires of my heart. 2020 is about to be the best year yet. I declare it over you! Opportunity, favor, clarity and peace! Seasons don't last forever. Be encouraged, do NOT give up!

Galations 6:9- "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

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