Cancelling Limitations:

Limitations. For me at least, this has been a fear of mine, for many years. I always felt like I could not live my life in a box, full of limitations-both myself and people, have put on me. I've always known that I had this drive of creativity, burning inside of me. So many things I aspired to do and yet, I still questioned how I would get there. My blog is all about honesty, which leads me to say this. I never had college in the forefront of my priority list, getting a big boy job, wasn't something I focused on either. As I reached the end of of high school journey, I began to be so overwhelmed by the thoughts of not being good enough; failing to be who everyone around me expected me to be. I have to submit to colleges, find a decent internship, get my degree, finally get hired at a professional job, where I can settle down for the rest of my life...Sounds good, right? Like the normal thing we should do, however, I still found myself, battling with it all. Who says I have to do all of those things, just to succeed in life? Everyone has their own path and we all have our own dreams. So why is there a standard that is set before us, where we are expected to follow suit with what has been in affect for years? 

I don't want to fall into this category and cycle, that places me in a box -in which it would not allow me to be successful in expressing myself, creatively- through what I love to do. I believe in pursuing education, I love learning and gaining new knowledge in different areas, so for those who are on the journey to obtain your degrees, or have already, that is something to be so proud of! I wanted to go to college on my time, on my terms. Not because people told me to go. I waited two years before I found myself on campus. It was both the greatest and most challenging time of my life. Going to classes and walking around campus, I became appreciative of the opportunity of growth. It brought me to a point of realizing how I was becoming a bit stagnant. Opportunities began opening up and I ended up at a crossroads, to choose between my dream or the path that is safe and expected. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was also not one I regret. I chose to pursue my dream of becoming an actor, continue working for my own photography business, finding the niche in my journey along the way. I haven't looked back since. Was it easy? No. Was it painful, yes. More than I care to admit, I battled with the insecurity of comparing myself to those around me. This made me feel incredibly minute in this world, but there came a point in my life, where I came to the realization, that I am simply on my own path. My journey. During this particular season in my life, I was reminded how unique God created me and that what he planted inside of me, was far greater than any negative thought that would arise. 

​Recently, as I reflected on myself and last year, I felt discouraged. I didn't accomplish many of my goals, for a year I didn't put much effort into my dreams or aspirations as a whole...All of these regrets started to become such a burden, but it also challenged me with the statement, "Did I do enough?" My answer was, no. That hurt. To be frank, I felt as though I lost all motivation, the sight of my purpose and objective within my goals, grew further in the distance. My days became a repetitive pattern of going with the motions, with no change occurring. Not much effort went into auditions, the thought of bettering my craft wasn't on top priority and yet, I didn't do a thing about it. Did I throw 2018 down the drain? I was determined to make my goals clear, but also verbally affirm the attainable ones, that I wanted to accomplish in 2019. The new year arrived and I still found myself consistently going through the motions with a lack of effort, passion and motivation. Who was this new person that looked back at me in the mirror? His zeal for life, happiness and ambition for his dreams somehow, were now hanging on a thread. One night, I chose to sit at my desk- as soon as I arrived home from work and write down all of the things I did in 2018. Reminding myself of all of the incredible things I had the privilege to experience, I had seemed to have forgotten about. Underneath the negative thoughts, laziness, and unhappiness, there were all of these amazing memories that rose back to the surface and I was genuinely in awe. I traveled so much in 2018, auditioned for some pretty awesome projects, completed post-production on my original feature film AND premiered it to a private screening, with an amazing live audience-filled with family, friends and supporters.It took an entire year to accomplish something I thought wouldn't ever happen. One thing I learned throughout this process, sometimes God takes us away from what we've been working around the clock for, so that we can realize that He has to come first. My prayer life wasn't the best, I was controlling every aspect of my life, rather than allowing Him to guide and speak. This past weekend, I went downtown for a day with my cousin, where I was able to clear my mind and to be honest, it made me feel like myself again. Happy, adventurous, trying out new places and being surrounded by a community of people, I like to call, my tribe. I didn't have a schedule, I wasn't in a rush for a change and the cycle of my daily life schedule, was non-existent. When I got home, I felt re-inspired, motivated again, my passion and zeal for life was reignited, just by simply stepping away from the pattern and complacency. 

After an audition today in the city, I drove to an urban coffee shop-where I sit here with my latte, planner, laptop and music. Stress isn't a factor, and my to-do-list is being checked off, one thing at a time. Working on my new original screenplay edits, reading a book, finishing this blog, answering emails for some big meetings for the next steps in my career; this seems to make me feel like I am that 16 year old boy, who has so much desire and passion for Jesus, joy, people, & dreams. Sometimes, you just have to patiently wait on God to move, mold and shape you, so that when you come out at the end of the tunnel, you have learned some valuable lessons during the pruning process. In the next coming weeks and month, I will be preparing for my audition for a lead role in a new theater production, which I'm so excited about-mostly because I want to get back on stage! I will begin shooting my new original film, starring as lead and I can't wait to tell this raw and emotional story. What I'm trying to say is, don't give up, pray, stay positive, don't take your agenda too seriously. Break out of the cycles, we put ourselves in. If there are no limitations in Christ, then there are most certainly no limits in what His creation can do. 

​"Life is full of ups and downs, the trick is to enjoy the good times and have the courage to go through the bad ones. Without the downs, the ups wouldn't mean anything." -Unkown.

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